Honesty 2.0

Does everyone cheat?

When I was working as a youth pastor in the metro Atlanta area, I preached a sermon on honesty and casually mentioned that cheating on schoolwork was dishonest and therefore sinful. When I said that, I noticed everyone in the room make a strange face. Every youth pastor has had this moment, and it can be caused by a lot of things. Is something distracting happening? Did someone make a distracting sound…or a distracting smell?  Did I have something in my nose? Is my fly down? There was a beat of confused silence and then one of them blurted out, “But PJ! (Pastor Justin) everyone cheats!?”

You see, many of these students were seniors at a very competitive high school. The race for valedictorian and salutatorian and college spots was on and the prevailing wisdom was: If you didn’t cheat, like everyone else was cheating, you’d get left behind, your class rank would drop, and your life was over. Since everyone else was doing it, you were left with no choice. That’s a pretty simple rationalization and when you rationalize it, it starts to feel like it makes sense. Maybe you feel that way about something going on in your life? Is there something at work, at home, in your relationship where you’ve allowed some dishonesty to bloom? Part of being in repair, spiritually, is addressing these blind spots and trusting that God will take care of you and the outcome. God cares about you and your future so let’s see what he has to say about raising the standards on honesty!

Solomon writes in Proverbs 10:9, “⁹ Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out.” If we’re going to really look honest-ly at hones-ty and see what God has to say about it, we have to be about the business of defining and not re-defining what it means to be honest. The meaning of honesty hasn’t changed, just our application and understanding. Proverbs here tells us that walking in integrity means walks securely. Integrity here simply means the quality of being honest.

Even after we’ve landed on a godly definition of honesty, it’s the application of it that gets complicated. Complicated because a high percentage of our opportunities to be honest have to do with relating to another person. Jesus had many, many interactions with humans, but nothing compared to the volume of human interactions we face. With email, social media, and text messaging alone we have more opportunities to be dishonest, daily, than someone 100 years ago had in a week! We must redeem honesty for today and the future so that we can all grow together as Christ-Followers.

If we want to raise the standard on honesty in our lives, there are FOUR THINGS we can do to work on it:

1. Recognize that Honesty is Binary

A good basic definition of honest is simply: free of deceit and untruthfulness. The modern world struggles with the very poignant and very real question: “How honest do I have to be?” We have to recognize that honesty doesn’t work this way. You’re either honest or you’re not. Your attitude, in every situation, should be, “How can I be as honest as possible?” I recognize that this radical pursuit of honesty is a lot easier said than done and not as simple as it sounds and yes, sometimes pursuing radical honesty means being truthful even if it costs you, but we can’t pick and choose when we pursue being honest, you either are or you aren’t. On the other hand, this doesn’t mean that we get to use this pursuit of honesty as an excuse to tell people off and then just say, “Hey…I’m just being honest.” Often the healthiest decision is to be slow to speak (James 1:19).

2. Rationalization is the Gateway to Dishonesty

When we rationalize, we attempt to explain or justify a choice with logical, plausible reasons. Rationalization is just a lie in sheep’s clothing. If you’re trying to decide whether something is right or not, stop and think about how hard you’re having to work to justify it. If you’re having to work really hard to talk yourself into it, it’s probably time to pause and check your behavior or even time to check with a trusted accountability partner or your pastor. Let’s look at a quick hypothetical and see how easy it would be for someone to rationalize their way to dishonesty.

Let’s say you are the payroll director and accountant for a medium sized business, not a Fortune 500, but larger than a mom and pop. By a clerical error, you receive two identical paychecks. Your position is the one responsible for identifying and stopping errors like that. You developed the system for catching mistakes and you know that the system will never catch it and you are the only one who will ever know. What do you do? Now, if you heard this story and did an evil laugh and twisted your moustache, you may need more than this book to help you out, but if you’re a generally honest person, you might think to yourself, “Well of course I would never take the money!” Most of the time you would probably be right. Here’s how rationalization takes you down. If you begin to think to yourself, “You know I work hard around here…I’ve got debts…I’ve got kids…this could pay for college…this could provide all my needs…I work so hard for this company…I deserve this…” If you’re not careful you can rationalize your way to destruction. Remember Proverbs 10:9, “⁹ Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out.”

3. Cultivate a History of Honesty

In The Sermon on The Mount, Jesus raises the standard on how we are honest with others:  ³³ “Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ ³⁴ But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; ³⁵ or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. ³⁶ And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. ³⁷ All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one (Matthew 5:33-37).The point Jesus is making is that the only reason to “swear by” something other than your word is that your word isn’t good enough and you need some collateral to cover the difference in the balance of your honesty account. Jesus says, “Live your life in such a way that you can say yes and people will actually believe you.” Are you familiar with the phrase, “My word is my bond?” The phrase is commonplace in modern pop culture, but it has its roots in the 1500’s. European merchants would use it to codify contracts before written agreements were invented. By the 1670’s, English scholar John Ray recorded the evolved version of the phrase in his famous collection of English proverbs, “An honest man’s word is as good as his bond.”  A bond in this case is the precursor to what we know as a written contract. The heart of this phrase is the idea that, if you have developed a history of or a reputation for being honest, your word is as good as a contract. Jesus simply wants to know why you’re not able to live by the same standard.

4. Recognize Christ-followers Live According to a Different System

When you pursue a life of honesty and integrity, in a world that often isn’t, sometimes it begins to feel that you’re putting yourself at a distinct disadvantage. You feel like everyone else is cheating to get ahead and you get left behind. How does it make you feel when someone at work or at school gets ahead by being dishonest? What about when your brother-in-law cheats on his taxes then buys the boat you said you wanted. What do you say when the officer is asking for your license and registration, and you remember the story your buddy told about the “foolproof lie” that got him out of a ticket? The best way to avoid that feeling is to recognize that we don’t measure success the way the secular world does. The reason to allow this type of honesty is to obtain a worldly advantage. Christ-followers have a different standard of success. Paul writes to the church in Rome, “² Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2).

If Christ-followers want to be successful in applying biblical wisdom on being honest to a modern world, then need to take a hard look at our world’s very different temptations and struggles. In a day and age where everyone is looking to tear down any establishment, especially people of faith, we must work extra hard to be above reproach. We can’t blame the World. WE are responsible for how honest WE are.

I recognize that biblical wisdom is thousands of years old and many of the opportunities that we have to be dishonest didn’t exist at the time. Let’s look at some things that the Bible didn’t address directly and we just need to say out loud:

You Are Responsible for How Honest You Are

Ghosting

Text messaging has radically changed the way we interact in our interpersonal relationships. (I used to think I was still cool, but the fact that when I learned about “ghosting” I learned it as “a thing the kids are doing,” probably means I’m not anymore.) If you’re feeling old now, let me explain. “Ghosting” is when you read a text message, but you pretend that you didn’t so that you don’t have to respond, leaving the person to assume the lie you didn’t see it and couldn’t respond in time. Let me ask you something. If you said out loud to someone, “I heard you say that, but I don’t want to deal with it, so I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear you say it,” your friends would think you were crazy and weirdly honest about your dishonesty. Personally, I had to take some steps to keep me honest here. It was as simple as turning on my read receipts. I don’t leave myself the option to be dishonest.

Sexting

If you picked up on the meaning of ghosting then sexting should be pretty clear. Rationalization makes a big return here. It’s easy to talk yourself into the idea that sending explicit messages and images isn’t sex. It’s just words and pictures…right? Fortunately, God’s pretty clear: “³ God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. ⁴ Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor— ⁵ not in lustful passion like the [world] who [does] not know God and his ways (1Thessalonians 4:3-5, NLT). Treat sexting like any type of sexual behavior, if it’s not with your spouse, leave it out.

Honest Scales

Proverbs 16:11 reads, “¹¹ Honest scales and balances belong to the Lord; all the weights in the bag are of his making.” Now you may be thinking, “C’mon man! Unless someone is a drug dealer or owns a Weight Watchers franchise, how often are they benefiting from dishonest scales.” We may not deal with actual scales that often anymore, but let’s say you’re selling something on a social media site. Your potential purchaser is weighing how much they want to spend based on your description. When you tell them that the old lawnmower you’re selling, “ran good when you parked it last summer” when you know for a fact that it hasn’t run in years, you’re guilty of using dishonest scales! When you list that busted old bicycle as, “Like New,” you’re being dishonest to gain an advantage.

Paying Debts and Bills

I’m an ordained minister with a network of churches called The Assemblies of God. It saddens me to say that when I was studying to obtain my credentials, I had to read a book about ministerial ethics that related a story from a banker that said he had been trained to not lend money to the “Three P’s.” Plumbers—Painters—Preachers. In the world we live in today, we all know tricks to move our money around, to make the most of grace periods, and to stretch our limited resources. Radical honesty means that we trust God for our provision, not our own efforts to trick the system. Paul writes, “⁷ Give to everyone what you owe them: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor. ⁸ Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law” (Romans 13:7-8).

So, if we’re going to pursue this radical honesty in our modern times, how do we handle ourselves when we have to interact with a World that doesn’t play by the same rules? Peter challenges us to, “¹² Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us” (1 Peter 2:12). We must live our lives in such a way that even when someone attempts to cause you trouble by not telling the truth, it doesn’t make sense. If you find yourself in a situation where someone, Christ-follower or not, is being dishonest about you, creating problems at home or at work or in public perception, you want nothing more to pay them back, to cause a little trouble for them. Maybe you want to use a little creative storytelling to make them seem as bad as they made you out to be. So, you want to blast them with an unnecessarily brightly colored Facebook post that you think is vague enough to keep people from knowing who you’re talking about but EVERYONE KNOWS who you’re talking about. When you fight fire with fire you just burn everyone to the ground. Scripture says, “¹⁴ Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. ¹⁵ Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. ¹⁶ Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. ¹⁷ Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone” (Romans 12:14-21). Instead of fighting the way the World does, confound them by treating them better than they treat you and better than they know they deserve. Paul says it better, “¹⁸ If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. ¹⁹ Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord” (Romans 12:18-19).

If you’re the Christ-follower, it’s up to you to figure out how to be the peace maker. Let God be responsible for punishing their wrongs. REMEMBER it may happen in this life or the next and that’s not up to you either. Paul continues, “²⁰ On the contrary: ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’ ²¹ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:20-21). How much more frustrating will it be for someone who is trying to get you when you make it your mission to love them like Jesus? After all, Jesus showed love to the men who nailed him to the cross (Luke 23:34).

Sometimes, we have to work hard to dig applicable truth out of scripture. Other times God will speak to us the way the dad in a sitcom sits on the foot of the bed and just breaks life down. As you think about areas of your life that you need to pursue honesty, I want you to listen to some words from your Heavenly Father:

Psalm 37:1-7 (NIV)

¹ Do not fret because of those who are evil

    or be envious of those who do wrong

² for like the grass they will soon wither,

    like green plants they will soon die away.

³ Trust in the Lord and do good;

    dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

⁴ Take delight in the Lord,

    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

⁵ Commit your way to the Lord;

    trust in him and he will do this:

⁶ He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,

your vindication like the noonday sun.

⁷ Be still before the Lord

    and wait patiently for him;

do not fret when people succeed in their ways,

    when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Psalm 37:10-11 (NIV)

¹⁰ A little while, and the wicked will be no more;

    though you look for them, they will not be found.

¹¹ But the meek will inherit the land

    and enjoy peace and prosperity.

Psalm 37:16-19 (NIV)

¹⁶ Better the little that the righteous have    than the wealth of many wicked;¹⁷ for the power of the wicked will be broken,    but the Lord upholds the righteous.

¹⁸ The blameless spend their days under the Lord’s care and their inheritance will endure forever.¹⁹ In times of disaster they will not wither;    in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.

Psalm 37:35-40 (NIV)

³⁵ I have seen a wicked and ruthless man

    flourishing like a luxuriant native tree,

³⁶ but he soon passed away and was no more;

    though I looked for him, he could not be found.

³⁷ Consider the blameless, observe the upright;

    a future awaits those who seek peace.

³⁸ But all sinners will be destroyed;

    there will be no future for the wicked.

³⁹ The salvation of the righteous comes from the Lord;

  he is their stronghold in time of trouble.

⁴⁰ The Lord helps them and delivers them;

    he delivers them from the wicked and

saves them,  because they take refuge in him.